Turtle Pulse-Check (07/16) July 16, 2009
Posted by dmonk in Addiction & Recovery.Tags: addiction, anxiety, every man's battle, fear, health, htlv, purity, recovery, sex addict, sex addiction, sexual addiction, sexual sin
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After having a great retreat weekend with my Dad, I have returned to “the World” and found myself very busy at the office. It seems I have been behind all week and every morning at work starts with a scramble to figure out what REALLY needs to get done.
Such transitions are fairly normal and can even be the source of gratefulness as you develop perspective in life. But Tuesday brought a shock to the system. I received a letter from the local blood center that my donation had been refused because my blood had tested positive for something called HTLV-I/II.
I have no idea what HTLV-I/II is (and neither did the nurses I spoke to at my health provider). I did some on-line research and it seems to be a virus that is somehow connected with adult T-cell Leukemia. But having the virus is not necessarily an indicator that you have Leukemia – nor does the limited literature I reviewed seem to indicate that having the virus means you will get Leukemia. But I really don’t know or understand.
It’s all darkness to me. I don’t know. I don’t understand. I don’t know if I should be afraid or if it’s really nothing.
So right now I am anxious. I don’t know what to do. But I am going to see the doctor today.
In the meantime, I am continuing on the path of purity. No fantasy, no pornography, no masturbation for 76 days! That, at least, is something I can celebrate and be grateful for.
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dmonk — praying for you right now… Back when I was 17, I too had my blood rejected by the red cross after a donation. In my case, they could not even tell me what was wrong – liver levels out of wack. Also, there was no internet at the time to try to self diagnose. My doctor was able to eventually diagnose me with a rare genetic disorder for which semi annual doctors appointments and daily medication keep in check. I do know that I could have died if not diagnosed so I am thankful for the thoroughness of the red cross blood screening. Will add you to my prayer list.
hoping and praying for peace and health.
Craig
Craig:
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Chances are this is nothing other than something I will have to have screened regularly and I’ll see a hemotologist next week to find out. In the meantime, it is the uncertainty that is the hardest thing to deal with. I guess I like to have a feeling of control in my life.
D-Monk
Uncertainty really stinks, but its the time when we lean on the Lord and His promises. I will remember you in prayer brother.
Brian
Thanks, Brian!
I know in my head that uncertainty is part of life and that this will all pass. Yet in my heart I find myself troubled. The walk to come closer to God through trust and obedience is a long one. I am grateful to be on the path and that God cares enough to keep pushing me forward.
D-Monk