FEELINGS
Today I am feeling grateful, anxious, and tired.
ISSUES
Finances are tight right now as we have had some unexpected expenses.
NEEDS
I need to be a servant to Beth.
SOBRIETY
I have now enjoyed 115 days of purity.
Mondays can be very long days for me. Our Purity Platoon meets every Monday morning at 6:00am and every other Monday evening I meet with the Blueshirts (the accountability group that I have been a part of for the past two years). Yesterday was one of those Monday where I had meetings with both groups.
With both groups, now seems like a good time for some stock taking. Let’s take a step back and evaluate our progress.
I’ll start with the Blueshirts.
THE BLUESHIRTS
The Blueshirts is a group of four recovering sex addicts who are also believing Christians. Before forming our small group, we had each been engaged in the process of recovery for 2+ years and had been having mixed success. Prior to joining the Blueshirts, I had attended group counseling with Faithful & True Ministries (a Christian Counseling Center committed to working with sex addicts) and had spent over a year attending SAA (sex addicts anonymous).
We formed the Blueshirts because we craved for a greater level of accountability than we had found in the other formats and because we wanted our recovery to be centered on Christ. Some of us continued participating in other recovery groups as well. But the goal with the Blueshirts was to really get to know our accountability partners and to be able to grow the relationships beyond just being men involved in recovery.
The Blueshirts have been meeting every other week on Monday evenings for dinner. We start our meetings with a check-in and then discuss issues that are troubling us or life in general. We are all four responsible for our own progress and we each strive to hold the others accountable. We follow a mix of the twelve-steps and Christian teaching.
So how have we done?
If the goal is to attain sobriety, the Blueshirts Group has to be considered a failure. No one in the group ever achieved more than 6-8 weeks of total sobriety.
If the goal is to grow as Christians and make progress towards recovery, then the Blueshirts Group may be seen as a success. While each of us has had some real struggles, we are all still meeting and we are all still believers committed to becoming better men of God.
For myself, the Blueshirts was not enough. Five months ago I slipped into a period of total depravity. I went through a period of viewing internet pornography every day. I became isolated from my family and angry and ashamed. I had reached bottom. Either it was time for a change or it was time to resign myself to the fact that I am a sinner and incapable of change.
I took a short leave of abstinence from the Blueshirts and prayed desperately. I looked for another source of help. God, in His mercy, pointed me to “Every Man’s Battle for Purity.” There was an event on May 2nd. I signed up. I showed up. I gave up and surrendered.
Through Every Man’s Battle and the Purity Platoon I have been given the gift of purity. What I could not obtain for myself was freely given to me by Christ. I have found purity by pledging myself to Christ. Obedience has given me the gift of freedom.
And I still participate with the Blueshirts. But I am conflicted at every meeting. They are all still caught in that desperate struggle. I so want to help them. What can I do? Do I just keep going and sharing what is working for me? Do I get angry and push them harder? What would have worked for me when I was still struggling?
The sad truth is that nothing could have helped me until I had failed. Until I had really learned that there was no program I could “work” to overcome this sin in my life, I wasn’t prepared to surrender. And without surrender, the purity Platoon would not help.
So each man must struggle until he is ready to meet Christ on Christ’s terms. Nothing else will do. “No half measures will avail.”
Lord:
I lift up to you my brothers in the Blueshirts. I pray that you will do for them what you have done for me. Bring them to the place where they are ready to accept the generous help that you are ready to give. Bring them to yourself, Lord.
Amen
Good post. I have throught the same thing. One group I meet with weekly has 5 guys, two of whom can’t string together more than a few days of purity. Sometimes it seems to me that “they aren’t doing something right”, or “if only they would truely repent.” It gets me down sometimes when I feel like I am the only one being sucessful (Thanks Be to God). Reaching bottom is what is needed. I did not pull myself up by my own bootstraps, but rather God brought a heaviness to my life a few months before I saught help. God allowed me to see the depth of my sin and what it was doing to me and my life. Only then in true desperation could I get help and truely get sober. That was 5 years ago. It’s still a day by day thing (some easier than others).
As long as your group is not starting to pull you down and back into sin, then I think it is a good thing for you to be in it for their sake. IMHO Continuing to be that example to them will eventually help them, when they reach bottom. Although, God may use your leaving the group to bring some of the guys left to the point of realization of their brokenness.
Craig:
Thanks for the thoughts.
I am praying for discernment on what my role should be with the Blueshirts. I am inclined to continue participation unless God makes it clear to me that I should do otherwise. I don’t want to abandon my brothers and I don’t want to take any actions that would imply that I think their situation is hopeless or in any way worse than was my own.
The truth is I am powerless to help them as I was to help myself. And the greater truth is that Christ can use me to accomplish His will if I am willing to surrender. And that is the bottom line for both my own recovery and any help I bring to others – Am I willing to surrender my own will to the will of Christ?
Yes!
(Now help me, Lord, in my unbelief)