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Posts Tagged ‘travel’

So what’s up with the Turtle?

I am happy to have returned to the blogospeher, even if not as regularly as I would like.  And I am happy to be praying, even if not as regularly as I’d like.  As a turtle, I move and change slowly.  My best hope is that movement is in the right direction.

Last week we took a roadtrip with my youngest daughter.  She loves elephants, so we drove to Kansas City and saw elephants.  I’ve never spent any time in Kansas City before.  It is a fun town with lots to see (besides elephants).  Lots of fountains and monuments, music and barbecue, shopping and museums.

I really enjoyed spending time with family and I know the time was good for me.

… and yet.

And yet I did act out.  There was some time when my wife and daughter left to do some swimming or shopping and I stayed behind.  And I acted out.  I looked at internet pornography while they were away.  

Very disappointing.  I wonder some times if I am even trying.  Don’t I want to get better?

Still … I am trying.

I am back at the office and trying to work daily prayer back into my life.  I am trying to check-in with accountability partners.  I am trying to be honest when I blog.

Lord Jesus,

Have mercy on me a sinner!  And grant me the grace to want to do what is right and the strength to surrender to what is right.  May my struggles bring you glory.

Amen.

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As I traveled for work this week, I was very grateful to have a new accountability partner.  Joe checked in with me each day while I was on the road and I returned clean and sober.

THANK YOU PHONE ACCOUNTABILITY!!!

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A WEEKEND IN SOUTH DAKOTA

The Turtle has been away.

The Turtle was out of town for three days.

The Turtle was in South Dakota.

The Turtle was not alone …

I had a chance this past weekend to take my two children from my first marriage and go to Watertown, South Dakota for a three-day weekend.  Why Watertown?  My son had a Tae Kwon Do tournament.

As I look back at this experience, I am really really really really grateful.  I am grateful for many things:

+ I was able to fully enjoy the weekend and fully experience this time with my children; I did not have the usual anxiety about keeping us busy and I did not feel the need to “escape” from the situation.

+ I was able to express my love to each of my children through the gifts of quality time, acts of service, affirmations, and physical touch; I really felt a heightened ability to show each of them my love for them.

+ I got to watch my son do something he enjoys and experience success while doing it.

+ I got to play games against and interact with my daughter one-on-one.

While my Battle for Purity hasn’t been perfect, I am beginning to see the positive impact of that Battle on other aspects of my life.  This weekend I got to see myself as a better father.  Without the overpowering pull of sexual temptation, I was able to spend time with and be fully present to my children.

Praise to Jesus who makes all these things possible!!!



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Turtle Returns Home Safely

The Turtle stumbled.

The Turtle went away.

The Turtle has returned home safely!

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Yesterday I stumbled and acted out with internet pornography.

Today I am traveling to San Diego for an unexpected business trip (I didn’t learn I was going until last Thursday).

Put these two things together and you’ll realize that this sexual sinner is in need of extra prayer.

Let’s start with the stumble.  Things have been going really well lately, so what happened?

Although they are not to blame, circumstances really pitched in to help push me down the wrong path yesterday.  In AA they refer to the acronym H-A-L-T which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  When any of these conditions show up in a man’s life, he becomes much more susceptible to the temptations of the flesh — including lust.

I have had several of these conditions impinge on my life this week.  As a big Minnesota Vikings fan, I have been feeling some anger and sadness around the overtime loss to New Orleans in the NFC Championship game on Sunday.  But I have also had a bad head cold this past week and I have had some troubles sleeping.  I have been awake at night by myself.  I have definitely been experiencing some of the ALT — I have been angry, lonely, and tired.

I found myself really wanting to masturbate each of the last two nights.  The urge wasn’t necessarily related to lust, but rather a need to escape, relax, and be able to get to sleep.  Unfortunately, whenever I masturbate I also turn to sexual fantasy.  And so I found myself really thinking about women yesterday and ignoring the call to bounce my eyes.  By the time I got home from work last night I felt entitled to act out.  But with some grace, I managed to avoid it until bed time.  Then I started having some coughing fits and another night of sleeplessness was coming on.  I didn’t fight it — I went straight to the computer and to pornography.

I didn’t do some of the basic things:

  • I didn’t check-in with other men about my sleeping troubles.

  • I didn’t plan ahead for what I would do if I wasn’t able to sleep.

  • I didn’t maintain discipline with my eyes.

  • I didn’t use the four-step fire drill.

Now that I’ve slipped, I really want to get back on the right path.  I want to re-engage in the covenant with my eyes, set up boundaries with my accountability partners, and have a clean trip to San Diego.

But this trip is looking like a great challenge.  I will be in meetings all day for both days that I am there.  I will be the face of my company in those meetings (and I am more naturally an introvert).  This will create a great deal of stress for me and I am sure I will be feeling anxious and lonely by the time I get back to my hotel room at night.  And with the two hour time difference it may be too late to call an accountability partner at that time.  So I really really need some prayer.

This is what I will do:

  • I have scheduled some pre-arranged phone call with other men.

  • I am bringing a couple really good books.

  • I will turn off all media by 10:30pm each night in the hotel, but give myself permission to read as late as I want.

  • I will set aside 10 minutes for prayer at least twice each day while on the road.

  • I will report back on this trip when I return to Minneapolis.

So there it is.  I have a plan.  But I can’t succeed by myself.  I need help.  Please pray for me.

Thank you, all!

+++

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Today I have returned from a business trip to Dallas.  I am happy to report that I had no lapses in purity while I was away.

We set up a plan during our SALT Meeting last Friday:

First, we scheduled phone calls for each day of the trip – calls where SALT Brothers would call me and hold me accountable.

Second, I took a picture of Beth and the family to place out in my hotel room – a reminder of what’s at stake.

Third, I committed to prayer twice daily while on the road – Christ is the only true source of strength for this battle.

Fourth, I made a commitment to turn off all media (tv and computer) at 10:30 each night.  This has been a source of struggles in the past.

The plan worked well.  I am very grateful for a clean trip.  It is another reminder of the power of planning during times of strength so that you can make good choices during times of weakness.

+++

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Another clean and successful trip for this Travelin’ Turtle!

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