Gratefulness Journal

Today I am grateful for:

1. Ginger the Dog
2. Travel Opportunities
3. Emma’s Smile

+++

Running Turtle

Monday: 3.8 miles

Gratefulness Journal

Today I am grateful for:

1. Musical Theatre
2. Better day with Sister
3. Rain

Checking-In

So what’s up with the Turtle?

I am happy to have returned to the blogospeher, even if not as regularly as I would like.  And I am happy to be praying, even if not as regularly as I’d like.  As a turtle, I move and change slowly.  My best hope is that movement is in the right direction.

Last week we took a roadtrip with my youngest daughter.  She loves elephants, so we drove to Kansas City and saw elephants.  I’ve never spent any time in Kansas City before.  It is a fun town with lots to see (besides elephants).  Lots of fountains and monuments, music and barbecue, shopping and museums.

I really enjoyed spending time with family and I know the time was good for me.

… and yet.

And yet I did act out.  There was some time when my wife and daughter left to do some swimming or shopping and I stayed behind.  And I acted out.  I looked at internet pornography while they were away.  

Very disappointing.  I wonder some times if I am even trying.  Don’t I want to get better?

Still … I am trying.

I am back at the office and trying to work daily prayer back into my life.  I am trying to check-in with accountability partners.  I am trying to be honest when I blog.

Lord Jesus,

Have mercy on me a sinner!  And grant me the grace to want to do what is right and the strength to surrender to what is right.  May my struggles bring you glory.

Amen.

Hero

WHAT IS A HERO?

When the house fell asleep
there was always a light
And it fell from the page
to the eyes of an American boy
In a storybook land
I could dream what I read
When it went to my head
I’d see:

I wanna be a hero

—Steve Taylor, “Hero” (Meltdown, 1984)

*****

“Here I come to save the day!”

—Mighty Mouse

*****

“Out here, due process is a bullet.”

—John Wayne (as Col. Michael Kirby in The Green Berets)

*****

And you didn’t say a word
when they accused you
You did not fight back
when the whole world used you

When hate was crowned King
and love was diminished
You stood meek as a lamb there
without blemish

And they laughed when you cried out
“It is finished”

You lay down
You lay down

—Terry Taylor, “You Lay Down” (1998)

Today’s Reading from the Rule

TODAY’S READING FROM THE RULE OF BENEDICT

Chapter 53: On the Reception of Guests

Let there be a separate kitchen for the Abbot and guests,
that the brethren may not be disturbed when guests,
who are never lacking in a monastery,
arrive at irregular hours.
Let two brethren capable of filling the office well
be appointed for a year to have charge of this kitchen.
Let them be given such help as they need,
that they may serve without murmuring.
And on the other hand,
when they have less to occupy them,
let them go out to whatever work is assigned them.

And not only in their case
but in all the offices of the monastery
let this arrangement be observed,
that when help is needed it be supplied,
and again when the workers are unoccupied
they do whatever they are bidden.

The guest house also shall be assigned to a brother
whose soul is possessed by the fear of God.
Let there be a sufficient number of beds made up in it;
and let the house of God be managed by prudent men
and in a prudent manner.

On no account shall anyone who is not so ordered
associate or converse with guests.
But if he should meet them or see them,
let him greet them humbly, as we have said,
ask their blessing and pass on,
saying that he is not allowed to converse with a guest.

Gratefulness Journal

Today I am grateful for:

1. Office Friends
2. Home Cooked Dinner
3. Holding hands with my Beloved

Take Heart: HE Has Overcome

But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

+ John 16: 32-33

Gratefulness

Today I am grateful for:

1. Elephants
2. Heat & Sunshine
3. Marbles

+++

Longing for Intimacy

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me.

+ Exodus 20:2-3

One of the ideas we have been examining in our Purity Platoon is intimacy with God. True intimacy with God leads to serenity, joy, and purity. False intimacy leads to acting out, sexual sin, and addiction.

My life has been filled with false intimacy. Rather than turning to God for my deepest needs, I turn to and rely on myself. I don’t trust God, I trust me.

Because of this reliance on self, I use behaviors and substances to meet my needs – needs that can only truly be met by God. I don’t have a true sense of self worth, so I continually try to prove to myself and others how valuable and/or significant I am. And to find acceptance, I will do what others want me to do.

That is false intimacy.

True intimacy begins with the understanding that God is God – He is the only source for meeting all of my needs and He has commanded me to have no other gods besides Him.

True intimacy with God means that I trust God alone to meet my deepest needs for the following:

• Identity

• Security & Protection

• Significance & Value

• Intimacy & Love

• Provision

• Direction

• Acceptance

As I have noted before, there is a god-shaped hole in my heart and there is only one source for filling that hole – God Himself.  True intimacy with God is the way to fill the hole.

+++