Reflecting Turtle: It’s a Struggle

The day starts.  I’m rested and inspired.  I know who I want to be and what I have to do.  I engage in morning devotions, check-in with an accountability partner, and get started with my work.  My feet are on the right path.

The day wears on.  Projects are challenging.  I receive unexpected phone calls.  I don’t know all the answers.  It takes longer to get things done than expected.

I take some leisure time.  Blog a little for enjoyment, visit some other blogs, go to read a favorite sports writer.  Pictures of women show up on the fringes of websites.  I am tired.  I don’t bounce my eyes.  My mind wanders.

Justification mode sets in.  You deserve it, you’ve worked hard, you need a break, you’ll be able to focus again, it’s normal, you’ll never be perfect anyway, go ahead …

And that’s when you hope to find grace.

Today I have found grace.  I am writing this post rather than chasing my impure fantasies.  I am rambling and writing … and wasting time.  But I am not acting out.  And that is a blessing right there.

I am grateful today.  I have had a clean week despite the lurking disturbance of impure thoughts.  I am grateful for all the surprises and joys that God give to me daily.  I am grateful for snow, safe driving on slippery roads, games with my children, dinner with the family, talks with my wife, work that I DO enjoy, Toastmasters, friends at work, friends on this blog.

So that’s it for now.  Time to get back to work.  One crisis has been avoided and I thank you all for the various ways you help me throughout the week.

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Come Set Me Free

Free
Come set me free
Down on my knees

I still believe
Save me from me
Come set me free

Inside this shell
There’s a prison cell

+ Switchfoot, “Free” (Hello, Hurricane – 2009)

Your Maker Is Your Husband

For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

+ Isaiah 54:5

Gratefulness Journal

Today I am grateful for:

1. Early Departure
2. Challenging Case Work
3. Phone call from Gretchen

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Chains That Hold Me Back

I’ve got my back against the wall
But I still hear the blue sky call

The chains that hold me back inside
Are the prisons of my mind

+ Switchfoot, “Free” (Hello, Hurricane – 2009)

Gratefulness Journal

Today I am grateful for:

1. Dominoes
2. Hotdogs
3. Snow Dogs

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Permissible, but not Beneficial

“Everything is permissible for me”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”–but I will not be mastered by anything.

- 1 Corinthians 6:12

Today I have been feeling resentment. I resent that it is “not permissible” for me to act out and comfort myself with my addictive behavior. I resent the expectations placed upon me by others.

But this verse reminds me that it is not others who are restricting my behavior. I am free to choose whether or not to act out. I am choosing not to act out despite the temptations (and excuses and justifications) to do so. So I need not resent anyone else – rather I need to recognize that the choice to be sober can be difficult and comes with the cost of self-denial.

Theology of the Body: The Call to Be Fruitful

Deeply imbedded in the truth of anthropology and ethics is man and woman’s call to “be fruitful and multiply.” This original divine blessing corresponds with their creation in God’s image. As the prologue noted, the capacity to “pro-create” (not as a response to biological instinct but by the free choice proper to persons) enables them to participate in the creative, covenant love of God.

+ Christopher West, Theology of the Body Explained, 62

There’s a Hole …

There’s a hole in the neighborhood
Where the shadows fall

There’s a hole in my heart
But my hope is not in me at all

FREE!

+ Switchfoot, “Free” (Hello, Hurricane – 2009)

SALT Meeting: The Power of Three

HAIL TO THE SALT BRIGADE!

The SALT Brigade met again this morning. We are three brothers — Standing Against Lust Together — who have a weekly conference call to check-in and pursue purity together.

The meeting format is very simple:

• Open with Prayer
  

• Check-In using the F-I-N-S format (Feelings, Issues, Needs, Sobriety)
  

• Discussion of Issues that have come up
  

• Looking to the week ahead and Setting Up Fences if needed
  

• Closing in Prayer

These simple meetings are proving to be very powerful. I think there are a couple of things that really contribute to this. First, this is a Christ-centered group and that provides us with a vision for more than just sobriety — we fight for the purification of the Bride of Christ. Second, there are just three of us — there is no room to hide; we each hold each other up and ask for details. Third, we have made a commitment to being rigorously honest — even when the truth is going to be painful to share. This honesty has helped us to confess our sins and release those burdens, giving us a chance to accept the help Christ offers to stay clean while moving forward.

Today’s meeting was another powerful working of the Holy Spirit. D talked about his relapse last weekend and how the confession of that acting out on Monday had enabled him to be clean for the remainder of the week. T talked about a new commitment to daily prayer in the morning and how the confession element of that prayer has really strengthened him — he has also been clean since Monday. R talked about an area of sin he has been hiding for the past couple of weeks. He had started going to the library and using the internet to find personal adds and massages on Craig’s list. R came clean today and he has agreed to tear his library card in half and mail one part to T and one part to D.

I am so thankful for these meetings and this group of close brothers. We are three-or-more gathered together in the name of Jesus, we pray to start our meetings, and we confess to each other things we have never told anyone else. At the end of each meeting I feel a sense of strength, renewal, and joy. To be a Christian is not to be perfect — it is to be loved and forgiven!

Praise be to the Lord Jesus Christ who came to bring us forgiveness from our sins!!!

S-A-L-T: Standing Against Lust Together